I Can See by Emily Estes

In preparation to travel to Haiti I never imagined coming home would be one of the more difficult parts. While I can't speak for others, I can say that this was not just a trip to Haiti; it was a journey of transformation and faith. In conversations I've had since being home I've heard some interesting things - a frequent thing that comes up is that those who have read the blogs and looked at the pictures feel guilty for not being grateful for all that they have and for complaining about seemingly insignificant things. I've quickly realized that this was not just a journey that I traveled alone - it's a journey that, through words and images, others were able to join me on... in their own way. I realized that this experience is not one that will only change the lives of those who stepped foot in Haiti; it has the power to transform a person a million miles away.

I want to respond to the individuals who may feel guilt after witnessing the story of Haiti. I, nor anyone else who has traveled to Haiti or any place like it, don't have the power to judge whether you're being too ungrateful, whether you complain too much about those insignificant things, or how you live your life. I believe that any deep rooted emotion that stems from witnessing this journey is something between you and God. I've had to ask myself many questions because of this experience. What are my priorities in life? What do I take for granted? What is my purpose here? Am I living my life in a way that is pleasing to God? What can I change about me? Can I have an impact on those around me? Do others know I am a Christian through my words and actions?

If these are questions that are on your heart too, explore them! Please don't ignore them. This journey to Haiti does not have to be one that only changes the lives of those of us who went... if you're open to it, it can change yours as well. Listen to God through the emotional response you have to these stories and pictures. Maybe it will challenge you in how you live your life, in the things that frustrate you, in the things you worry about, in what you're grateful for... but maybe, just maybe, if you look a little deeper it will change you. Saying over and over that you feel guilty for one thing or another or that you take too much for granted is a vicious cycle. What about it brings up guilt? That is something you can change! What do you take for granted? That is something you can change!

The reality is that we live in a culture completely different than any other. It's ok. We have many things to embrace about our culture! We have freedoms that many others do not have. Rather than feel guilt because of it, perhaps we can ask what we could do to make a difference in the lives of those who don't share those same freedoms. Rather than simply acknowledging that we have much we take for granted, perhaps we could share a portion of all we've blessed with. Rather than feel something negative, perhaps we could do something positive. What do you say? Will you acknowledge that Haiti, though you may never have stepped foot there, has the power to change something in your life?

On the plane ride home I wrote a poem. It felt more like a song so I went to church yesterday and played around on the piano to find its melody. This is the song on my heart - I'm grateful for having my eyes open, my heart filled, and my life restored.

I Can See

I can see 

Through the beauty of the cross

I've been changed

For my God has rescued me

In a world far from home

He brought family to me

I've been restored

Through my faith in Christ

I Can See

Through the beauty of the cross

I've been changed

For my God has rescued me

He opened my eyes

He opened my heart

He let the tears fall

And a grace abound

I Can See

Through the beauty of the cross

I've been changed

For my God has rescued me

He spoke to me

In a foreign land

He held my hand

Through others hands

I Can See

Through the beauty of the cross

I've been changed

For my God has rescued me

He sat across from me

When I ate and drank

He walk with me

In a land of despair

I Can See

Through the beauty of the cross

I've been changed

For my God has rescued me

He showed me hope

Through broken eyes

He gave to me

The greatest gift

I Can See

Through the beauty of the cross

I've been changed

For my God has rescued me

We're Home by Emily Estes

10/25/2012
7:32am
We're back! Though quite an interesting day, we made it safely back to the U.S. yesterday. Our group would like to send out a huge 'THANK YOU' to all who made this journey possible through prayers, financial help, and in-kind donations for our partnerships in Haiti! There was great comfort in knowing that we were being lifted up in prayer each day.

So, what now? Our lives have been changed. Traveling to Haiti can open your heart in ways you never imagined... if you let it. I believe every single person in our group traveled with an open heart and mind which has added to the impact of this experience. Today we resume 'normal' life here at home. It's strange. Our group, who has spent 24 hours a day in very close quarter, is dispersing, each returning to their own 'normal.' The sudden thought of work, meetings, responsibilities, and the hustle and bustle of this culture is anxiety provoking. We immersed ourselves in a culture that seems to be on a time schedule unheard of here in the U.S. - that being, no time schedule. We adapted to a new way of living - a life that to us may have appeared very limited at times. We ate foods we'd never heard of - a diet unimaginable prior to this experience. We shared faith and fellowship with strangers that have become dear friends. This experience has changed us, challenged us, and led us to a deeper connection with our family of faith in Lincoln and Haiti.

New things are on the horizon for our partnerships in Haiti! The optometry group has ideas to help get a clinic established in Jacmel. This would open the doors for many new opportunities. This week we traveled with many pairs of eye glasses that have been donated for this cause, a huge blessing! The struggle is that we are not always guaranteed to find a perfect match for the needs of all patients - it's a guessing game sometimes. Having a clinic in Jacmel would allow the optometry group to provide more accurate prescriptions for each individual. This clinic would also provide a central location from which outreach could occur to the remote locations and people who are not able to travel into Jacmel. 

Al and Jacque, a dentist that has studied with the help of Al's guidance and support, discussed the future for dental care in Haiti. Currently, Jacque has a temporary location at Tetkole Temporary Shelter. After much prayer and conversation about how they could have a greater impact, Al shared that some things have changed. Rather than staying in Jacmel, they would like to move the clinic to Port au Prince. This would provide them the opportunity to take out a loan to buy a clinic location and see many more patients. With the ability to make more of a profit in Port au Prince and be more self-sustaining, they would then have the opportunity to write grants for more financial assistance. The idea with all these improvements is that the people of Haiti own and operate the businesses rather than solely depend on donations from others outside their country. Establishments such as an optometry clinic and dental clinic will allow donations to be used in a more effective manner. 

Linda Young and Candy Kohnke have great ideas for the future of nutrition education in Haiti. This partnership would open the door to college students in both the U.S. and Haiti and provide a very new piece of education to Haiti. Food handling, personal hygiene, and basic nutrition are absolute necessities! The conversation about involving other areas of the University has great potential! While very much in its infancy, I truly believe something transformational is going to emerge from this discussion.

The partnerships that have developed with Tetkole Temporary Shelter, Pazapa, CLM (the program helping women in the Central Plateau with a motto of, 'That all may have life.'), Trinity House, Wings of Hope, HELP and much more, are areas that need help in continuing to make a difference. This will happen with more sponsorships for children to go to school, for women to make a home and future for them and their children, and for musical instruments for Tetkole kids.This will happen through continued donations of clothing, hygiene supplies, shoes, eye glasses and sunglasses, dental supplies, and education materials. This will happen through continued, personal relationship between us which is why these mission trips are vitally important to the success of each partnership we develop.

While in Jacmel, Mike shared a poem that he had found. I believe it sums up what is next in our relationship with Haiti. Sometimes, it's not as simple as praying for our friends in Haiti; it takes much more in our commitment to relationship to help lift them up in more ways than one. 

Sometimes It's Not Enough to Pray by: Author UnknownAll around us they are cryingThey're afraid and they are dying;Helpless, they've bowed their heads in shame.And they are wounded by our distance,By our caution, our resistance.
We must bring them life in Jesus' name.If they're hungry will you feed them;If they're lonely will you need them?If they're lot will you passion point the way?Sometimes it's not enough to pray.
If they're frightened will you hold them?If they're hurting please console them.And if they're struggle is not the same as yours,Don't let that difference close the door.
They are hungry we must feed the.They're so lonely we must need them.They are lost and they need our love today.For only love will point the way.Sometimes it's not enough to pray.

Last Day in Haiti by Emily Estes

10/23/2012
9:57pm


How do we say farewell to a people that we have come to know as brothers and sisters in Christ? We loaded bags and suitcases planning to come to a country in need of our donations and material goods. Tomorrow morning we will depart carrying less in our arms, but more than our hearts can contain. We will not say goodbye for a goodbye signifies something final... and let me tell you friends, this has only been the start (and continuation for some) of something beautiful. We've shared optical supplies, dental supplies, clothes, food, and education materials - all of which have been so graciously received by our friends here in Haiti who so desperately need all that we can materially provide. We shared something more though. Some were able to open their hearts in a new way upon opening their eyes to the beauty that exists in poverty and devastation. Through that we shared faith, relationship, and hope.

Today's experience was with the CLM project, a scholarship program for women in the Central Plateau who need assistance. A $1500 scholarship donation sponsors one woman and her children for 18 months. It provides the resources for them to build a home (a project they are responsible for doing with the materials provided), an enterprise of either chickens, goats, cattle or horses, a stipend for food, and money to send their children to school. The women and their families are visited every week by a case worker - individuals who do a phenomenal job of helping, guiding, and encouraging women to live a better life. We were simply amazed in our journey through the plateau and shadowing during the house visits. The pride we witnessed among a people who live below poverty level was a site that is indescribable. One family was fortunate enough to have a sewing machine - Jim interacted with her in an attempt to determine if she needed eyeglasses. Indeed she did and there was no greater smile than the one I saw on her face today when she was able to easily thread her needle! In that moment I wanted to plop down, cry, and ask God what more I can do for this poor woman. But it's in that instant that I realized, perhaps she's a bit richer than I. She knows the value of heartache to the core, yet she smiles with joy; she has a home detestable by American standards and she beams with pride as she walks us through; she appears weak by site but she's stronger than most; she, among great despair, has shown me a beauty immeasurable. It's in the giving of these material things that I begin to feel selfish - she has given us a far greater gift. 

Although challenging and exhausting, I think our group could have walked through the plateau, through the rivers and mud, hills and valleys, for many more hours because the success of this program (starting with 150 women and today reaching over 1,000) is a Godsend you can't see enough of. Of course there's struggle too... but this program is being implemented by talented individuals who go far into the rural areas to support women and encourage them. One of the women today has six children, one on the way, and no father figure providing any support. Pastor Rhonda has been an incredible mentor on this trip and today I witnessed what God can do when you're willing to allow Him work through you. She spoke to this woman who is struggling with the program in a way that proves that only what we allow to exist between us can separate us. If we're willing to be vulnerable, God will lead us in a way only He can. I felt God working through the conversation between Pastor Rhonda, the case worker, and the woman in the program. I hope you will join us in praying for this woman, and any other woman who is struggling to complete the program; may they find a confidence in themselves, a hope for their lives and the lives of their children, and success in a world that they have the opportunity to create.

As we begin our travels home I'm confident we will all leave a piece of our heart here in Haiti. No final goodbye will separate us for tomorrow only brings a, 'See ya later.' The partnerships and relationships being developed are a foundation for what's to come. My enthusiasm for the growth of this ministry is far too much to contain - God shines the light of a candle where the flame of a fire will be shared. I hope you'll join me in praying that that fire in our hearts, minds, and spirits will continue to grow and spread into the hearts, minds, and spirits of those around us.

In praise and thanksgiving,

Emily

Haiti Day 7: Relationships by Emily Estes

10/21/2012
8:38PM

A morning worship service on the beach allowed our group to grow in a new way with one another today. On this day, we stood among the devastation and praised the God who has saved us, protected us, and is carrying us on this incredible mission. God had blessed us in immeasurable ways this week and it was an emotional circle of worship. To hear how God is working in the hearts of each individual here and then to witness how He is bringing us together was overwhelming. He has changed us, challenged us, and shown us a greater picture than what the eye would like to focus on. He has brought us relationship; among each other and through bridging the gap between the world that separates the U.S. from Haiti.

We enjoyed a tap tap ride to a different area of the beach today. Our travels to Cay Jacmel brought a new light of hope as the conditions were better and the beach much cleaner. We stood in awe of God's presence in the beautiful scenery that surrounded us. In the afternoon we attended a special concert by the students of TETKOLE. They're first song was the fight song for Cole's school and he had the opportunity to play the saxophone along with the students for a second run through of it! It was pretty cool to see him immersed in their group and sharing yet another thing that bonds us. All the instruments played by the students have been donated and you can sense the pride they feel in being able to share their talent with us. It was a beautiful event to witness.

Supper time found us traveling in another tap tap for a lobster and fish (head and all) meal. 'Blanc' people (white people) certainly provide for an interesting time and I'm sure we were viewed as a pretty crazy group riding along in a tap tap! With our tummies full, spirits renewed, and a fellowship merging us together as one we enjoyed a joyful ride back for our final night at Hotel Florita.

I'm sitting in the open area of the hotel and watching others grow in relationship with each other. This journey is as much about our relationship with Haiti as it is with each other. Please pray for our group - that no man made boundary between states and nations will separate us in the work God calls us to do. Jesus told us to follow Him. For some, the journey of following Jesus may begin in their home and for others it may be in a nation thousands of miles away. God knows no boundaries and I hope that we can continue to break down walls that separate us so that we may better serve together.

Tomorrow morning we will be traveling back to Port au Prince to stay at St. Joseph's and offer another eye clinic. As we've grown together through this experience I pray that our final days together solidifies the bond we share in Christ. Please help us in praying for safe travels these next couple of days, pray for the people we will have the opportunity to serve, and pray that we find God in all that we see and do. We would like to thank you for your love, prayers, an support while we are traveling - we can't do this without you!

Haiti Day 6: Finding Hope by Emily Estes

10/21/2012
6:50pm

A year ago this month I entered Sheridan Lutheran Church for the first time. I've been in reflection of that day a lot while on this mission trip. I knew something was missing in my life; I had taken the first steps in my spiritual journey prior to Sheridan but there was something lacking. I didn't know anyone at Sheridan when I came but I felt like I walked into a home that Sunday morning. So many welcomed me and I felt that hole in my heart begin to fuse in a new way. Even though personal relationships had yet to develop, I knew I had found a family of faith in the people at Sheridan.

I share this with you because it is that experience that has shown me what the love of Christ feels like and what it means to share it with others. I began to better understand what it truly means to be a Christian because of you.

I've written a bit about Tek Tek, our Haitian friend and brother in Christ. Tek Tek has a name; his real name is Ev (not sure on the spelling but that's how to pronounce it). Mike, works for EyeCare Specialties, is traveling with our group to help with the clinics. He has demonstrated a true example of a Christian while on this trip and I have enjoyed his mentoring. Mike was the one who asked Tek Tek about his real name and I'd like to share this story as a witness to what God has shown me here. Nicknames are great and they're fun to use; but we didn't know who Tek Tek was beyond being an artist and 'manager' for other shops. He called us family and we still didn't know much beneath the surface. We learned that he has two children, Eve and Evo and that his wife left him. It's easy to get wrapped up in the seemingly insignificant questions. It's hard to dig deep, to unmask another layer of someone else's life out of fear of knowing that it just may be worse than simply knowing the conditions they live in and how they make they're living on the streets.

I know that it's hard to be that person on the other side and what it takes to reveal the struggles faced. What I've learned here is that no person's struggle is any more or less significant to anyone else's. Our personal struggles are significant in their own way; and often times, it's the struggle we face that leads us to the work God is calling us to do. I've learned that God doesn't place hardship in our lives with ill intention, but that there's purpose in the hardship we'll face along the way. Maybe it's a broken marriage, an addiction, or loss. The simple fact is that everyone is facing their own Haiti - and for this reason I emphasize again, 'We need Haiti more than Haiti needs us.' I believe it's in these absolute depths of despair that we come to the top gasping for air - that's the moment, in desperation, that we find hope.

Recently I've played the same song over and over... it has become a daily prayer and one that I say from the person inside me who knows struggle and how to overcome it to the person in me that sometimes still struggles to find the way. It's on my mind tonight and as I close this post, I'd like to end with the words I would say to someone facing any hardship in life (whether that's in Lincoln, NE or Jacmel, Haiti):

Be strong in The Lord, never give up hope. You're gonna do great things, I already know. God's got his hand on you so don't live life in fear. Forgive and forget but don't forget why you're here. Take your time and pray. Thank God for these days! His love will find a way. These are the words I would say.

Haiti Day 5: by Emily Estes

10/20/2012

Saturday, the clinic traveled back to Tetkole to provide a clinic to the people from Pazapa. We served another 56 individuals; many more got just some sunglasses. Ju Berto helped with translating again and did a great job! He remembered the words from yesterday very well and it was fun to see him interact with the patients coming through. He has quickly developed his own rhythm in how he retrieves the diagnostic information and shares it with our team.

Today was challenging as many of the people of the surrounding community came wanting to be seen. Since this clinic was specifically meant for those coming from Pazapa we were limited in who we could see. The message that we were reminded of was, 'let the people come.' We did our best to meet the needs of all who showed up with the limited amount of time we had.

The clinic group then got to take a 'hike' over to Trinity House and school. Currently, 10 boys are living at Trinity House. Many more kiddos come for school each day (I believe it's the only free school offered for children in Jacmel). They were able to reopen the bakery at Trinity House which was the first thing we saw (well, smelled) when walking in. It smelled amazing in there and the bread was pretty good (a great snack for the middle of our seemingly long journey after a busy morning)! The area where the boys sleep is composed of very simple bunk beds with a variety of mattresses for each bed. They have a fairly big, but very basic, kitchen where the boys do all the cooking. It consisted of a lot of counter space, a big table in the middle to work on, sink, and stove/oven. The school room is located on the second level. They have chalk boards and then seats that are like school desks built for 2 people. The third level was the balcony - Trinity House is located very close to the beach so the view was absolutely amazing from the top. A new addition was a gazebo used as their chapel area. Imagine a gazebo overlooking the ocean, with a view of mountains surrounding... I hope that that view gives the students at Trinity and the boys who live there a sense of peace and hope.

Mackendy, the art teacher at Trinity and a good friend of HTF, and Ralph, a young man who lives at Trinity, showed us down to the beach. It's not the beaches you would normally think of. There is a great amount of trash wherever you go and the beach is no exception. I've found that you have to look beyond the big picture here - only then can you see the little things God is doing among the people... and there IS much that He is up to here! :)

Mackendy then took us on an excursion through Jacmel to his home. I truly mean an excursion - it is difficult to maneuver your way up and down the hills as they are very rocky, muddy, and filled with trash. We were able to see a new perspective of Jacmel and into the home of Mackendy. His home was about a 6x6 room which contained his bed, clothes, a little stand, and his beautiful, beautiful art. Not much, but a reminder that we truly live in excess. This trip has made me think about all what I think I would absolutely need to live. The more I see here the shorter the list gets.

Gerard is a man who was across the street from the hotel selling his artwork along with a young man making jewelry. It's easy to come here and observe the big picture; it's the journey into the hearts and minds of the people though that will open your eyes in a new way. A way that allows you to see just what God is doing here! Gerard survived the earthquake in 2010 and shared his experience during it. He was a part of saving a family and helping others get to safety just before their homes collapsed. He spoke of all this, his experience being homeless (in a place where you could be shot for sleeping where you're not allowed... everyone! has to pay rent of some kind... there's no People City Mission, park benches, or street corners to stay on) and how he earns his keep around here. Do you know what he said time and time again though? 'Praise God!' He knows he's only alive because someone much greater than himself has saved him. We talked more about what his purpose is here. Because of his relationship with God he knows, amid the hardship, he has great purpose. Mike and I said we'd be praying for him - his response... I will be on my knees, praising God, and praying for you too every night. I felt so much hope through that conversation; knowing that God is the foundation of the relationship we share with Gerard has opened my heart in a new way.

I feel limited in what I can put into words to share with you all back home. As Jim shared this morning at worship, 'we need Haiti more than Haiti needs us.' I pray that all of our hearts and minds may be opened to the love of God that surrounds us; that we may find beauty in despair; more than anything though, at this moment, I pray that it is our own personal relationship with Christ that is restored in the light of love and hope.

Look for God today and everyday hereafter. Look in the seemingly small and insignificant... I am confident you will see Him if you have an open heart.

In Peace,
Emily

Haiti Day 4: Mustard Seed by Emily Estes

10/20/2012
6:00am

"Do not remember past events, pay no attention to things of old. I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19

I am simply amazed by the words of the Bible and how relevant they are to our world today. We don't have to seek much explanation - in simple words God shared a message applicable to every generation that will walk this Earth; a message of truth and hope; a call to serve and an explanation of the manner in which we are to serve others; a message of forgiveness.

There is much in Haiti that we could be discouraged by: lack of garbage disposal, unsanitary cooking methods, personal hygiene, healthcare, displaced children, poverty, lack of education (both primary and secondary levels)... this list could go on and on. Is this not, in a way, similar to our lives? I have to wonder if we don't all have a list of things we are discouraged about in life..? How many things would we change if there was a quick fix? Tonight we were reminded of the story of a mustard seed. God didn't call us to do big wonderful things... He called us to do small things, in honor of His great name. It is not us who make good works great - God alone holds the power to turn a small work into something great.

In Isaiah, we're told to forget past events. How long will we remind ourselves and the Haitian people that an earthquake or a hurricane brought this devastation to us? Do we dwell on what brought us here or challenge ourselves to see beyond the obstacles? HTF is doing amazing things. They've embraced the fact that small changes are happening every year and are encouraged each time they return. I hope that I too get to return someday and see a measure of growth. Right now though, no matter where you or I are at in the world, we have the chance to plant seeds as small as a mustard seed. Immerse yourself in the opportunities available to you wherever you go. This week I've helped check patients into an eye clinic - it's one small part of a chain of events leading those individuals to a resource that can change their life! We may feel that are works are minuscule sometimes; please, trust that no matter how big or small the deed, you can change a life. That can be in Lincoln, NE or somewhere across the world. Listen to where God wants to take you! He has a plan far greater than any we could imagine!

God has promised us in Isaiah that He is about to do something new; even today his promise holds true! Trust His unfailing love and the great journey He is leading us on... wherever we are in life. The past does not define us, nor does it hold us back from the wonders that exist if we can move beyond it! May we carry faith, built on His solid rock, to all people we serve. And may we trust that indeed, God will make a way in the wilderness just as He will make a river in the desert. He made this promise. Our only job is to trust Him and follow Him. Will you join me on a new journey of seeking to serve God in small ways...even as small as a mustard seed?